Hello there :DCurrently, I feel.. hmmm. I'm not so sure but, i'm just... Uggh. Words can't explain how I feel right now. Haihh, why am I going through this all over again?
I kept thinking back about past times that I'd wish I had forgotten a long time ago. I did and I was very happy but, I don't know why, the thought just came back, when actually, there's nothing left to figure out. I've went through my major depression moments and I don't wanna go through that again.
I kept thinking back about past times that I'd wish I had forgotten a long time ago. I did and I was very happy but, I don't know why, the thought just came back, when actually, there's nothing left to figure out. I've went through my major depression moments and I don't wanna go through that again.
But, the weird thing is, I just can't figure out what it is exaclty. A lot of things have been running through my mind these past few days. Let alone school. I am still in my holiday mood cause I feel that one month of holiday is bullshit if it's filled with school and tons of homework/projects that takes up almost that whole month's time. Sorry for the bad use of word. My mind is now mix of anything and everything negative all together. It feels like shit cause I do not like negative things you know. Well, mostly sad, emotional negative things.
Oh my God, it's so confusing when you don't know what you're sad about. Okay despite all that, at least i'm sorta sure about one thing. I am really busy that I do not have time for myself. I feel like a robot these past few days. I'm doing things without thinking, just going with the flow. Yeah, like a robot. I'm simply doing the same things all over again without realising the reason for me doing them. In this case, it involves malay dance, hockey, ndp. Let alone homework(-.-).
When I don't find the reason to do things I don't do them with all my heart. I can't seem to find the reason but I'm in need of it. I need to know what and why am doing these things. I can't just go on like a robot. I have a life, and I need to start taking control instead of letting other things take over me. Why am I still playing hockey? It's cause, I've learnt many things through that sport. I know it might be unbelievable to some of you for me to do sports, but I've always wanted to get involved, somehow. And so eventhough I may not be that good, I am determined to do better. I feel like I owe a lot to it cause from being part of the team, i've learnt a lot of good things - Friendship, Honesty, Trust, Determination and more. I've seen and experienced a lot of good things and values through this sport. I have learned to be honest to people whom I love. I learnt to trust myself that I can always do better that what I am doing now. I learnt to push myself but not overwork. I learnt to believe in myself more. The best part is, I met new people who are willing to go through all of this with me. And that's my team mates. Hockey has brought us all together from our different streams and CCAs. That is why I am not willing to give up this sport, cause somehow I feel like I owe a lot to you hockey girls, or shall I say, Evergreen Tigresses\m/. We may have only started this team on November last year, but we shall train harder to do our best in tournaments, so we will not perish and prove them teachers(ugly -attitude leaders who do not nuture students but look down on us instead *sad*) and principal wrong. And not to forget, for Mr Sanjay who started all this and who's the only one who could've fight for us. But no, he is not here. We have to fight for ourselves. And I believe we can do it, with a little faith, and a lodda teamwork. Now we have gone through thick and thins and now we are much closer to each other than before, so let's not waste it. I love you guys and I believe we can do it! :DD
Okay i'm starting to get emotional, hahaha wthell. Okay at least i've got that straight. So on Tuesday, I will not let anything else in my mind and focus on hockey.
On the other hand, it's kinda frustrating you know, sometimes having to choose between two things you love. That's what happens when Malay Dance and Hockey clashes. Seperating them fairly on my schedule just makes them extra booked, I don't have time for homework cause by the time i get home, I'd lie on my bed as if I was shot dead. haha. I don't even have time for myself, to think about things, all these things i've mentioned. In fact, right now I have not started on my mountains of homeworks(eventhought it's just a day of holiday-.-) cause i'm tryna find time for myself, or at least to clear things off my mind for now.
Time time time. It's so crucial it frustrates me sometimes. Spending time, fiding time, chasing time. Sometimes I just wish time didn't exist. But wait, that's impossible cause, it's just impossible. Life depends on time. This is reality. I need to learn to manage time.
I realise nowadays i'm starting to get lazier, I do not focus on my studies and that's bad. I already did not do well last Semester. I cannot find the reason to doing anything right right now. Doing things without reason is like living without a reason. Again, a robot I am. not literally of course
I need to remind myself that I must study hard and improve. I was reminded that it's a crucial year this year, apart from O' Levels, this is next on the list. I have to select the subjects I wanna take the next two years and I don't wanna make any wrong choices. I need to start doing my homework and stop sleeping in class, especially during Physics :P I don't know why but I can't possibly focus during Mr T's lesson. All I can hear is "bla bla bla bla bla(for 15-20mins).. And this is (the topic we are discussing about that day)" IKR. I need to lose that and start paying attention. I need to do well in every subject cause that way I'll have more choices right? Yeaaah.
So here's my resolution for this half of the year:
- Sleep earlier (prolly by 11)
- Less computer time
- Do better in Physics, English, Literature, Maths
- In fact, I can do better in all subjects but those are the main ones
- Do homework the day before and not on the actual day to be handed in
- Learn to prioritise
- Try doing some revisions (WOW, that's a step)
- Try to find time for myself, for my friends and for my family
- I wanna go to the beach on weekends if it's possible. you know, to relax
- DO NOT PROCRASTINATE TO THE VERY VERY LAST MINUTE (Due to that, I slept at 4am on the day before school reopened. Served you right, silmi)
Okay, in conclusion, I just wanna change this Semester. I wanna be more hardworking like Musliha, haha. I do not mind if I drop out of this class next year cause the only thing that matters is that I can cope with the subjects I will be taking. ^^
Okay so actually, this post is a draft saved yesterday night when I fell asleep while updating hahah. You know me. So today is Monday, Youth Day. So, HAPPY YOUTH DAY TO ALL YOUTHS!! And not forgetting, to day is KHAIRAH'S BIRHTDAY!!!
HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY KHAIRAH!!! :DDDD
And today, I am fasting, YAY! I didn't wake up for sahur, but I am not gonna break fast just yet. I'll endure, Insya Allah. Actually, my mum, sister and younger brother planned to pay back our fast (my brother was sick so yeah dun think wrongly :P) today, but we all didn't wake uo for sahur and so all of them broke their fast(my brother is currently eating right beside me), except me :DDD I'm so proud of myself. hahaha wthell.
So after this, imma start on y mountains of homework and then will be going out to trim my fringe. Mum says I shouldn't cause it's better to have long fringe for Malay Dance so we can make a higher jambul HAHA. She's so funny, but yeah she has a point, but still, I feel like trimming it cause it's touching my eyes and it's annoying having to clip it up everytime. Oh well, I'll decide later. heh heh heh
Okay other than all that, let's talk about my week.
I've been spending a lot of time with my hockey girls and I love them alot. :D We had a lot of fun splashing water at each other(btw I didn't get spalshed :P). Apart from that, we lost the tournament with Si Ling Sec (3-0) but it's okay. It's our first 11-a-side tournament, so it's okay. Let's ignore the ugly attitude captain and do better next time okay? Prove 'em wrong! I do not get why teachers look down on students. That's just plain stupid. -__-
Malay Dance and hockey had a clash this week, but it was sorted out so I was booked every afternoon. Performance was okay, we got free candy floss and popcorns after that! \m/ After that, we rushed for NDP practice with our make up on. Dinner was nice, and we got our blingalicious caps. Went home on seperate busses from Lina. Yes she went for NDP and so I got to talk about stuffs with my dear sick bestfriend. Sat with Jalilah and we sang songs in the bus. She's such a cute girl :P
Anyway, i'd like to say, this Friday someone turned 14. So....
Oh my God, it's so confusing when you don't know what you're sad about. Okay despite all that, at least i'm sorta sure about one thing. I am really busy that I do not have time for myself. I feel like a robot these past few days. I'm doing things without thinking, just going with the flow. Yeah, like a robot. I'm simply doing the same things all over again without realising the reason for me doing them. In this case, it involves malay dance, hockey, ndp. Let alone homework(-.-).
When I don't find the reason to do things I don't do them with all my heart. I can't seem to find the reason but I'm in need of it. I need to know what and why am doing these things. I can't just go on like a robot. I have a life, and I need to start taking control instead of letting other things take over me. Why am I still playing hockey? It's cause, I've learnt many things through that sport. I know it might be unbelievable to some of you for me to do sports, but I've always wanted to get involved, somehow. And so eventhough I may not be that good, I am determined to do better. I feel like I owe a lot to it cause from being part of the team, i've learnt a lot of good things - Friendship, Honesty, Trust, Determination and more. I've seen and experienced a lot of good things and values through this sport. I have learned to be honest to people whom I love. I learnt to trust myself that I can always do better that what I am doing now. I learnt to push myself but not overwork. I learnt to believe in myself more. The best part is, I met new people who are willing to go through all of this with me. And that's my team mates. Hockey has brought us all together from our different streams and CCAs. That is why I am not willing to give up this sport, cause somehow I feel like I owe a lot to you hockey girls, or shall I say, Evergreen Tigresses\m/. We may have only started this team on November last year, but we shall train harder to do our best in tournaments, so we will not perish and prove them teachers(ugly -attitude leaders who do not nuture students but look down on us instead *sad*) and principal wrong. And not to forget, for Mr Sanjay who started all this and who's the only one who could've fight for us. But no, he is not here. We have to fight for ourselves. And I believe we can do it, with a little faith, and a lodda teamwork. Now we have gone through thick and thins and now we are much closer to each other than before, so let's not waste it. I love you guys and I believe we can do it! :DD
Okay i'm starting to get emotional, hahaha wthell. Okay at least i've got that straight. So on Tuesday, I will not let anything else in my mind and focus on hockey.
On the other hand, it's kinda frustrating you know, sometimes having to choose between two things you love. That's what happens when Malay Dance and Hockey clashes. Seperating them fairly on my schedule just makes them extra booked, I don't have time for homework cause by the time i get home, I'd lie on my bed as if I was shot dead. haha. I don't even have time for myself, to think about things, all these things i've mentioned. In fact, right now I have not started on my mountains of homeworks(eventhought it's just a day of holiday-.-) cause i'm tryna find time for myself, or at least to clear things off my mind for now.
Time time time. It's so crucial it frustrates me sometimes. Spending time, fiding time, chasing time. Sometimes I just wish time didn't exist. But wait, that's impossible cause, it's just impossible. Life depends on time. This is reality. I need to learn to manage time.
I realise nowadays i'm starting to get lazier, I do not focus on my studies and that's bad. I already did not do well last Semester. I cannot find the reason to doing anything right right now. Doing things without reason is like living without a reason. Again, a robot I am. not literally of course
I need to remind myself that I must study hard and improve. I was reminded that it's a crucial year this year, apart from O' Levels, this is next on the list. I have to select the subjects I wanna take the next two years and I don't wanna make any wrong choices. I need to start doing my homework and stop sleeping in class, especially during Physics :P I don't know why but I can't possibly focus during Mr T's lesson. All I can hear is "bla bla bla bla bla(for 15-20mins).. And this is (the topic we are discussing about that day)" IKR. I need to lose that and start paying attention. I need to do well in every subject cause that way I'll have more choices right? Yeaaah.
So here's my resolution for this half of the year:
- Sleep earlier (prolly by 11)
- Less computer time
- Do better in Physics, English, Literature, Maths
- In fact, I can do better in all subjects but those are the main ones
- Do homework the day before and not on the actual day to be handed in
- Learn to prioritise
- Try doing some revisions (WOW, that's a step)
- Try to find time for myself, for my friends and for my family
- I wanna go to the beach on weekends if it's possible. you know, to relax
- DO NOT PROCRASTINATE TO THE VERY VERY LAST MINUTE (Due to that, I slept at 4am on the day before school reopened. Served you right, silmi)
Okay, in conclusion, I just wanna change this Semester. I wanna be more hardworking like Musliha, haha. I do not mind if I drop out of this class next year cause the only thing that matters is that I can cope with the subjects I will be taking. ^^
Okay so actually, this post is a draft saved yesterday night when I fell asleep while updating hahah. You know me. So today is Monday, Youth Day. So, HAPPY YOUTH DAY TO ALL YOUTHS!! And not forgetting, to day is KHAIRAH'S BIRHTDAY!!!
HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY KHAIRAH!!! :DDDD
And today, I am fasting, YAY! I didn't wake up for sahur, but I am not gonna break fast just yet. I'll endure, Insya Allah. Actually, my mum, sister and younger brother planned to pay back our fast (my brother was sick so yeah dun think wrongly :P) today, but we all didn't wake uo for sahur and so all of them broke their fast(my brother is currently eating right beside me), except me :DDD I'm so proud of myself. hahaha wthell.
So after this, imma start on y mountains of homework and then will be going out to trim my fringe. Mum says I shouldn't cause it's better to have long fringe for Malay Dance so we can make a higher jambul HAHA. She's so funny, but yeah she has a point, but still, I feel like trimming it cause it's touching my eyes and it's annoying having to clip it up everytime. Oh well, I'll decide later. heh heh heh
Okay other than all that, let's talk about my week.
I've been spending a lot of time with my hockey girls and I love them alot. :D We had a lot of fun splashing water at each other(btw I didn't get spalshed :P). Apart from that, we lost the tournament with Si Ling Sec (3-0) but it's okay. It's our first 11-a-side tournament, so it's okay. Let's ignore the ugly attitude captain and do better next time okay? Prove 'em wrong! I do not get why teachers look down on students. That's just plain stupid. -__-
Malay Dance and hockey had a clash this week, but it was sorted out so I was booked every afternoon. Performance was okay, we got free candy floss and popcorns after that! \m/ After that, we rushed for NDP practice with our make up on. Dinner was nice, and we got our blingalicious caps. Went home on seperate busses from Lina. Yes she went for NDP and so I got to talk about stuffs with my dear sick bestfriend. Sat with Jalilah and we sang songs in the bus. She's such a cute girl :P
Anyway, i'd like to say, this Friday someone turned 14. So....
HAPPY BELATED 14TH BIRTHDAY JALILAH!!!
Eventhough we hockey girls sang you a birthday song in the bus, here's another wish :D Woaaah, i've known this cute girl since last year and i'm so glad we are still friends. May you always be happy and stay cute and cheerful! Don't be sad 'bout the match anymore alright? :D ily!
Yesterday, went to watch Eclipse with Bonda, Ahmad, Fazurah, Fateen and Nureen. I love taylor lautner!! Hot bod! haha "You can't deny i'm hotter than you"- Jacob. LOL xD A fun day it was with my dearests. :D
Other than that, I'm still tryna adapt to the new time table. This year's DnT project is an individual work that requires us to create a memo holder. That reminds me, I have homework to do!
Oh by the way Lina, don't worry bout your appointment alright! It'll be okay, believe it! I'll pray hard for you okay sayang? muuuuaaah :D *see, i mentioned about you:P*
I realise this is a really long post, hope it'll make up for my period of non-blogging hehehe. I'm off now, bye bye!!
assalamu'alaikum.
I realise this is a really long post, hope it'll make up for my period of non-blogging hehehe. I'm off now, bye bye!!
assalamu'alaikum.